Broken Heart stones

Tonight is a night for blogging it would seem...

I dont know why im writing so much but its helping my mind, processing what it is telling me. My mind is taking me to some interesting places and I'm not sure why... 

I am feeling that this is a dark day but my smile is still here, songs that play bring me to happier times both before and after. Thinking about what is to come and what I have fought through already. 

"Let me leave behind some reasons to be missed... "

My friends have been great, my lostlove has been there when I needed her the most but I need to move on now, The things that have changed need to be dealt with and I - Skins. Need to move with them

I have the memories and I have the skills learned to make it

Thank you everyone for the words and the time, The shoulders and the forgetful nights spent forgetting. 

My mind gets stronger every day and my body will keep up as needed. One day I will read all these messages sent to me but for now, It is easier to forget than to deal. My heart is like any other stone, it can take a beating but in the end it will brake so this time I take to repare what is left.

Only a few Clicks

So when should I remove it... 

This has been a sore spot and it feels weird even think about it but It has to come off in the end... Funny that now its all over that removing the silly little thing on facebook means so much. 

Ending a relationship status should be a simple click away but making that click seems to mean so much. Every time I see it on my page it brings back memories... The good and the bad. Should I wait till the end of the year like we said or should I just click and be done with it.

I will think on it a little longer but one day when ive done a bottle of jack and sung our song a million times, raised my fingers and said my goodbyes... maybe on that day it will go, Just right now... im not ready to say that goodbye yet

Lemon Grenade

Sometimes you lose some friends, other times you make them back.

From my last post I feel I lost a friend but tonight I feel like I have re met another. A friend of mine that is going through some troule and I cant blame her for it. This love game does not take prisnors - it only hurts and bleeds you dry.

Time is a great healer like i have said in the past and I hope this works for her as well.

Hold your head up cos you are stronger then you think... if life give you lemons then make a fucking boom and blow that lemon give ass a taste of his own medicine! 

Some Friends You Lose

Tonight I through I would start work on my CV, I need to get a new job soon as this one is really starting to effect both my life and my brain. the hours suck and I miss alot of the things happening around me and lets not get started on the content.

Any ways, while writing this CV I used a new template with in MS word and i came across a little problem  There was not enough fields for all of the jobs I wanted to include. I asked a friend who has always know about these kind of tech issues, I understand that she does not know everything but something has bugged me with the way that she said she would not help.

Maybe this is just me being para or something but with everything that has happened of late between me and my now ex, I wounder if she has chose her side and stuck to it. I cant blame her for this as after all she has been friends with Fluff a hell of a lot longer then mine. 

I guess I should expect this with everything thats happening and it is likely that this is just me thinking that cos I expect it. 

But sometimes I just think to much and place things that are not there... then again most of the time I am right.

A reason to live

NO NO NO!!

I dont mean something like that, I have an issue with waking up.

Last night i went to bed at around 1am - very early for me as i normally go to bed around 6am but I still have only just got out of bed and it 16.00.

I just dont have a reason to get up in the mornings,Now if I'm meeting someone or I have something to do I am much better but on a normal day I just cant pull myself out of the little hole that is my bed. Is this something to do with my body clock or something to do with my life right now?

One way or another I need to change this, I know I do but I just have no reason too. Even as im writing this blog from bed I am thinking should I just tun out the light and get more sleep, its like a drug sometimes but I just cant pull myself away from it.

Old hands holding each other

Yesterday was the 7 year mark of my lifes love. Today its the start of the new, From the blog I read she has given up on the hopes of next year and now I find myself sitting in this flat that is colder then normal. I dont know what else to tell you but I found a great image that sums up what im feeling as well as what I have lost in the process 

I will not forget the things we have done and the times we shared together x

Your history was mine! 2005-2012

I just read a post that tells it that its over... Funny to find out in this kind of way but I understand why and how its come about.

We have both had the sun shining on both sides for a long time but in the end the sun must set and all good things must come to an end.

These memory's will last a life time and never fade as our star grows cold. 

You'll give up on me and ill give up on this.

Fingers raised, salute given, 4ife my love

7 years today... I guess that is a good day to end this <3 p="p">

We're gonna laugh at this one day

Times are changing and people change with them... What ever is happening this song gives me the smile I need to see it through

Something to Remember!

Every blog starts as a blank cavers .. And then you fill it with colour, red in passion, pink for love and black for hurt, of late my blogs have been very dark and black with some flashes of red and pink.

This have not just been my blogs but my life of late as well, bits of love and passion mixed with a hole lot of deep thinking and emo thoughts.

I do feel like  have been jumping from one thing to another, from one extrema to the other and it is starting to wan on me now. Today I think I just sorted out one thing in my life, not that its finished but I think it is now understood what is happening from the rest of this year.

If that is a good thing or not is something to be decided later but as she said 

"We cant make decisions yet so - let us not!"

Something will return in time and me being me it will take me in full, but I right now dont wish for it as I want some time by myself, time to heal and time to love myself again before giving it to another. Time is a great healer and I want to give it its chance to work! Thought can be as powerfull as any message platform out there, Thats something to remember!

I remember the good times, and they will paint over the black, They always do!

Shooting Lightning!

Today I had a shoot with a very good friend of mine, but this shoot was not for her - It was for a gym opening soon in central London. 

The brief was to shoot her jogging or stretching with a backdrop of London Landmarks, Small trouble is that it was FUCKING frizzing today and the wind was way up off the river, We tried a few places along the water frount but could not get what we were looking for, We moved up to St Pauls and popped into Starbucks for some feaker (coffee). 

After a few different set up I think we got some ok images and then I got a really nice one that I liked (below). My friend loves the deep and gritty look of HDR so I have edited this to suit.

Then we moved down to the bridge between St. Pauls and the Tate (The Millennium Bridge) and I think we really go some good running images there. Trouble is that I know have no energy to speck of as I have not had that much sleep this weekend and I have spent that last few hours finishing off the Twist images.

So its bed for me now and tomorrow I have spits and finishing the images from today's running shoot!

Twists 10th Birthday

With another crazy weekend under my blet, I have a shit tone of editing to get through.

My images from Twists birthday are now live and on the site (LINK) DSI and FaceBook. 

The club was not the best in the world for togs, nearly all the lighting we at the back of the dance floor and all that really hit the DJ booth was lazers with a really random patten when shot just made a mess... But I tried to get some good images none the less... "Man tager vad man haver" after all!

Someone 4ife

This has been one very interesting weekend...

A ring at the door and she was back, so tiny and small I had almost forgot. Bag up and coat off but it might as well been a time machine rolling back the clocks. She was here, the real one and only. What a difference a few weeks away from it all can do for a person.

Things have changed and I must change with them, hope springs eternal and gives me the chance to have what I wish... We shall see where this new road leads and I think it might end with something amazing!

PMI THROUGH THE ROOF!

Thank you so much for this, thank you for being the one that has not left me alone and most of all... Thank you for becoming you, again <3

Outa the Blue!

Tonight I have a very unexpected guest coming over... Something I did not see coming and I am not sure what its going to been.

I do really want to see her but at the same time I did not want to yet, I wanted sometime between the meeting to sort out my head and my heart. Even though I told her how i feel she is coming any ways and I am a little angry that she did not respect my wishes.. That being said I am looking forward to seeing her face again. To look into those eyes that I loved so much and to see if there is something still there. 

Black as Blood

Yesterday I felt really bad... So bad that I could not process anything. Not since my brother died have I been to this place in my head, dark through were racing through my brain and as with my brothers death I could only deal with it in one way.

Trying to bleed out the pain and the images from my mind are hard, I feel alone even thou I have many friends around me tell me they are there to help. I know that when I'm with them but when it comes down to it ... there not there at the times I'm at my lowest. They never can be, I am alone when they come - always alone.

Tonight I have been given something, A light at the end of a tunnel. But without the power to walk it to that end I find myself falling into nothingness. I don't know where this may lead but I will pull myself to that tunnels end and see just what that light is made out of... even if it takes a lifetime - even if it kills me.

Black is never Grey

The black hole I was in just got that bit darker and deeper, The news of late came to the ears of the one who needed to hear it, and the ending that I hoped to avoid has come.

I feel that this is a hole I'm never going to come up from and at times I hope never to, Life is flitting and never ending, no peace at the end, not blackness to engulf me. Life just keeps on living and I know when I am gone my soul is just going to be spat back out in a new life-form.

 Promises I cant make are just that, broken promises. 

Be strong and fight for the life you want, make it happen with everything in your soul and I know that in the end, I will hear about it.

4ife

To set the flames

In the next few days I have to make a big decision and I'm not sure what it will mean, this could be the end of something big but I feel that it needs to be done.

Why does life throw these things at us, Thing that you know are big things and not really giving us a chose. Life is never easy and we have to live with it, Will my life turn out the way I wish or will it just become a deep dark place that is going to form a hole I will never be able to dig myself out from? 

To let it burn or to add petrol to it to make sure something new and beautiful comes from the ashes 

Could this still be?

Funny what a day can bring. 

I had a nice long chat today with someone very close to my heart today, Talking with her really does calm's my sole and helps me see things that I sometimes cant sort it out myself... 

I think that there is some big changes going to be happening in the next few months and an old plan that I longed for might still have a chance in happening. Feelings are a funny thing and head fucks are really going to drive us crazy.

I know to you guys this is not going to make any seance what so ever BUT this is more for myself.

This is a hard one to write...  but this has really summed it up and it was a shock to have been given it by the person that this is all about.

I love you, always have - always will... <3 div="div">