After that rage dump that was my last blog -  I've been doing some thinking.

I was wrong in blaming my friends for some things, i feel like i have been forgotten by most but there are still some friends that have been there and i understand its not all about me. People have there own lives and they must get on with them as they do.have felt lost

I have felt lost and when you lose yourself you  try to find it again, you go from one extream to another and try to centre yourself. You have a few things to do this,your home, your family and your friends.

For me my friends were always the place where i did this but for a long time it was my home... This was made up from my little family, my flat and my gear.

My family have always been funny, mostly because of the way i grown up, I have not lived at home since i was 6 and till this day, I feel like my connection to them as never been what i thought it should be... This has been told to me that this is rubbish, no on has the family thing that II saw growing up on television - While this is ture and i have learned to burry it, it still plays on my mind somedays.

And lasty to my friends... I have many friends but not many that i think of as close, My oldest friends from school I have not seen in years, the next set have all changed, moved away, moved on or just disappeared. I have been keeping some are arms leaght as I've been hurt in the past i dont want to let them get close... That in turns has made them not close friends and maybe i should let them in but I am worried.

I dont know why I wanted to rage now,  just felt i needed to vent and this is where i do it.

I will start to follow my feelings now as i cut down my world... I will learn to control them as I control my world. An old Japanese proverb said that you cut of the extra to centre the mind or something close to that point.

I will simplify the world and my life to then fix it and make it strong... after all, Streth is what i need to get through everything and im going to be string as samsonite (sadly missing the hair)