A New Year Comes

2012

Wow this has gone fast... its Dec 31st and I have no idea what happened in the last 12 months & now on the eve of the new year I have to look back on a year that has changed my life so much.

This Year I have pushed my photography alot more then before, working gigs and shooting models has gone up, Getting myself back onto the poi and learning a few new things from the spinning world, I have done some great things, been some amazing places and had a summer in Sweden with my folks that was a time to remember.

• I got to see Mick Foley this year with my Dad
• Covered many events and became one of DSI elite Pro Spotters. 
• Became a Tog for Core Magazine.
• I met some amazing people and got to know older friends even more so. 
• Shoot my 1st wedding (not as the main shooter).
• Took my Swedish Girlfriend for her 1st ever trip outside of London. 
• Spent 3 weeks in Sweden with both my family's and saw Göthenborg for the 1st time.
• Went to Play! 4days in tents with friends and loads of spinning fun!

Then there was some bad. I lost my love of the last 7 years, that shuck me to my core and knocked me for six but she is still part of my life even if she is no longer in it every day and for that I am Thankful for her friendship.

I really fall out with some members of my family this year and I dont think that bridge will ever be repaired but at the same time I have spent some time with my foster family and I feel good to know they are still there.

I became single again, You can see this as a good thing or a bad depending on your frame of mind but I have found my smile again, But the long nights alone and the time I spend in my own head are sad moments that let my dark side come out.

Will 2013 be as crazy? Will it be more of the same or will it be a long slow year were I wish for 2014. We will see and it all starts tonight!

Four letters!

Love...

Only a four letter word but means so much, The feelings that go with it, the high and the lows that come with it. Only four letters but can change a mind and a soul - A World!

I've been asked if I love another so soon after losing my last love.

The answer is easy... its a no. I have love for my family, my friends and my Fluff but being in love takes alot of giving and I am not ready for giving myself up again so soon after what has happened this year. 

I want to have fun and enjoy myself but I dont want to get hurt again, I dont want to hurt another. I want to know who I am before I fall again and I dont see that happening for a long time yet. 

Four letters that can hurt someone so bad that it takes them years to move on from it, 

Do I want to do this to someone out there again, No. Do I want my love to brake someone down to there core again, No. Do I want to be loved... Now that it the $1000,00 question.

I want to be loved, to be through about and to be in mind with people but to have someone being in love with me scares me. Someone feeling something for me and hurting them worries the hell out of me. 

So I want to stay away as much as I can on this, as this leads to hurt so I am keeping my distends while trying to find happiness in my new life.

My History is still with me and finding a soul mate does not happen over night, It took me a long time to find her and I dont think I will find that again... So im not looking to find anything like that for a long time.

I am sorry for picking you up on my blog, it was meant as something, not some toss away line. 

What A Weekend...And Its not over yet!!

Wow this has been a great weekend! 

I had a friend over for a few days, a burn at the beach on Friday and a movie night at TheSex's... 5.5 movies back to back with drinks and alot of fun times. Did not turn in till gone 11am this morning!

• Four Lions
• This is 40
• Moon
• Happy Feet 2
• Killing me softy 
• Dreed

Tonight I was going to stay over again but with tomorrow coming I through it best to have a chilled one.

For tomorrow is new years eve, I have a party to help set up (plus the party itself) We're doing a burn in the garden and then around 10am on New years day I am covering an event in Vauxhall (Frantics vs Sunnyside up) and then after all that I have to work! 

So in other words I dont think im going to be sleeping till Wednesday!!

This is going to one amazing and fun day! 

HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING NEW YEARS 2013

A through on the Old Year as The New comes in

Sometimes in life you have to brake something to make it better... Stronger and able to do the things that it never througt it could. Giving it the push it needs to make it without all the extra crap of having a pojkvän to mix things up. 

My life has had such a turn around in the last few months that its hard to keep a handle on it sometimes. Friends found and lost, Diets changing and times to find out who I am.

Big things have changed with the small things and my anchor has shifted in the sand, My family worry about me, my Fluff is un-happy and sometimes I forget what day of the week it is. My friends have been great to me of late with alot of surport and kind words. TheSex has shown his heart and been a great shoulder when I have needed it, ThePixie has chatted with me till the wee small hours to work out the depths of my troubled mind and ThePeace has been just that! A carmimg  entity for my soul.

Its funny that I used to have one person that did all of this for me, my soul mate who knew me through and through. Someone who could almost read my mind and know what I was feeling without a word said. It makes me sad to think that she is not happy. She has all the things that she wanted in her life now but me, Maybe I was a bigger part of her heart then she lead me to believe. A Shame this side did not show in the mindle when it was needed most but then I know I was probably just as bad, if not worse.

But we cant go backwards, Take the things we learned and use them now in this new form of our lives, I have so many good memories and alot of them will stay with me till my dieing day.

I miss you alot Ylva! dont think for a second that I dont! 

We will meet again, dont know how when and in what form but I have a feeling this is not the last of Skilva! weather that be as friends or plant life. pusspuss

Missing Stockholm!

Just started to watch "Män som hatar kvinnor" aka "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo".

After seeing my old city at the start of this film I am really thinking about moving back there...

Stockholm holds so many memories for me, some good and some bad, Living there I felt so lost and yet so free, No one knew me in a city with only 871,952 its funny to get lost in. The bar life is fun and the city is amazingly beautiful  Shooting there would be great if I can find the clients. 

Getting work there when I lived there last was not easy, My Swedish was terrible and I have not learned to much more since. So I am guessing I will still have trouble with this. One other thing is that I had family there then,  And an amazing girl that took care of me and made sure I was ok.

This will have changed and I would be by myself, Yes I have friends there but I would not want to be a burden to them like I was with my Swedish family. Maybe this is a pipe dream or maybe I will just do it one day. 

I guess we will see where it leads me, To find myself again and come to terms with who I am to become!

NewInSweden

I miss Sweden!

Tonight I was watching The Little Mermaid (Dont ask), When Kiss the girl came on I looked it up in swedish and then I found this little clip on 1"0 good things to know about Sweden"

There were a few videos about being new in Sweden, This would have been an amazing thing to have seen back in 2005 when I moved there, But I have missed it there, the food, the family and the friends! Some amazing people in my life and who have been there for me alot over the years have indeed been Swedish (You know who you are)

Right now it does not look like I'm coming over in January but don't stress as I will come over some time in the new year, To both Friends in Stockholm and down south to see the family.

Puss puss guys, Jag saknar dig - alla

Still Alive

Making chooses between who you ware and who you are... How much of yourself do you keep when you have a massive life changing thing happen. 

You should take all the good and keep that with you and drop all the bad, But how are you to tell the deference between the two? Some things feel good even if there bad and vice viras.

Are you to trust your friends who might be a little biest towards something from the old life or the new friends who seem to understand the change in you as they have known you without all that baggie? 

I am running by my gut and seeing where life takes me, to feel what makes me happy and I am going to deal with that as for the 1st time in a long time I am enjoying myself. If that is wrong then right now I dont really care. As long as I am not hurting anyone then im going to do what feels good, what makes me happy and live my life for me.

I am sorry if that offends you

Night Blogging lol

I dont kow if this is stupid or one of the best things ever!

New Jobs... Not always a step up or down

Just found this Fluff and It made me think of your new job

Hope its all working out fine x

Its Over... For Another Year

another year is over and i am thinking was it all worth it...

The money spent, the time taken to find the right gift for the right person and yet again I feel that I stressed over nothing, I have come to the relizasion that I am different, people dont understand me and the few that do are not here to make me feel like I belong.

I want to  go away, leave and see some other part of the world, spend time somewhere else and spend it with people that get me, understand my choses in life and respect me for them.

Maybe this is just the christmas blues but I just feel a little lost.

Merry christmas everyone, Hope you all had a good day

Xmas 2012

Today is Christmas, Yay!! :(

I just made the 4 mile walk from my flat to my parents house. This is something I do every year when im in London but this year I did it alone... Every other year I spent it in one of 2 places, Here in London or with my Swedish family in Lund/Land et.

With me and fluff splitting this is the 1st time in 7 years that I am spending the 2nd xmas in a row with my own family. A shame as I am missing my Swedish family a lot right now, I call them last night and everyone seemed happy and the snow has fallen all over the south. Such a beautiful county - with amazing people and great food.

(Something that I miss alot but this year would have been fun with me turning veggy earlier this month)

Anyway back to London 2012 - Just as I left the flat it started to rain, thunder and a stome hit half way home, my clothes got soaked and i was dripping from my hat to my feet. When I got in the door the dog was happy to see me and my mum came down to see if I was ok.

Now I am sitting in my old room (now the office) writing this blog thinking about what this could have been without the brake up, Would I be in Sweden in a nice warm bed and a pixie by my side? Or would I just be un happy still with the things around me... I cant really tell but I have to look to the further with an open mind and open eyes.

I know you will read this and I wanna wish you all the best for this christmas, dont forget all the fun times we have shared over this holiday time - You still the only reason why I liked this period of time. I hope that its all that it can be in the land of Golge and julskinka.

Puss puss my squish and God Jul xx

FlowWand Skills

Now I'm guessing some of you dont know what a Flowwand id....

My biggest reason for not getting a flowwand myself was all the time I saw this toy spun it was done in a very feminine way... Not that its a bad thing but I wanted to look cool/sexy while spinning. In other words I wanted to not look gay. Then a friend of mine simply said... "are you gay? if not then fuck em" (who ever thinks you might be)

So I played with my friends a little more and in the end she was the one who got me my very 1st Flowtoys Flowwand!

So I have had it for about a week now and im loving it, it has all the fun moves but without the really high energy levels of poi. I am really looking forward to seeing what I can do with this litte bit of magic!

Dubble Shoots

That was a fun day!!

Yesterday I had a shoot in Earls Court in the morning and then The Spits Christmas party, of witch I was taking part in the photo-booth. 

The shoot went ok, I was very tired at it started at 12am and I did not have a good sleep the night before. My tooth has been giving me some trouble and kept me up all night long, I must have got up 8 times to flose or brush... Mix in a little Jack to numb the gums and some sleeping pills I got to bed around 6:30am.

I packed all my stuff the night before but I still forgot some bits, most I could work around but not having a reflector really was a pain. The shoot itself went very well, Was of a friends friend. 

The brief was to shoot three generations of the same family, As one of them lives over the pond so it needed to be done this weekend. I had a quick look over the images last night and some came out very nice. I was there for just over 2 hours and had a nice lunch. #

Did have fun on the way as my big bag broke so I had to carry a 8pound bag by hand most of the way :(

After the shoot I popped back home to empty the memory cards and had a tea before I was back out the door for the Spinning @ xmas party!

So off to Liverpool street I went, almost feel asleep on the bus (and I never sleep on buses). I was ment to be there early to help set up but the guys had done most of it by the time I got there, I helped set up the chairs and the final bits for the booth. Then The music started, the bar opened and we started the night!

I will have the images up in the next few days and from what I saw last night I got some good ones!!

The show started at 20.00 and My friend Cat did an amazing show using the levy stick, follow by many more cool and amazing acts!

A few more drinks later and a massive spin off with Kyrill and G and I was sweating like a pedophile in a playground. Was alot of fun and before I knew it the night was coming to a close. I will do another blog about the times in between but for now its still morning and I need to get some things done tonight!

I can wait to get onto the edits and show you guys some of the great times I had!

Good bye, Old friend...

Im sitting in bed right now,all creamed up with a long tshirt on as I dont wanna get blood and ink all over the sheets. Im smoking a fag and writing this blog.

I am telling you this as I only have one fag left, im about to go to sleep and if all goes well - this will be the last time I do indeed smoke! This is a new year for me and one habit that I have that I wish to remove from my life is smoking. It smells, It makes you breath stink and I just no longer want it in my life.

I have quit before when I lived in Sweden, what help was the fact that most of my Swedish friends and family dont sparke up every 10mins, Fluff was there for me and really helped me out. When I got back to London I was around alot of smokers and I kinda fell back into it.

Fluff warned me but I knew better - No babe, you knew better all along!

So now I start my 28th year (bar a few days) and this is something I both want to do and need to do, My health is not what it once was and the price of fags is becoming silly, I want more things in life and burning anywhere between £15 and £30 a week is not going to help me get them. I wanna get more ink, I wanna get more lens and I want to be able to talk when I reach 60 without the need for some voice-box!

One more fag to smoke tonight, you have been a good friend but now we must part. Skins need to grow up and dump this habit before this habit take hold and never lets go!

The 28th Year of Skinny

I made it, 28 years on this planet and I am still here.

Today I spent a lot of time thinking about the year just gone, What did I do with my 27th year?

This year has seen much happen but most of it I cant remember, there is of course the big spit that happened a few months ago but there was a lot more. Shoots and raving, festivals and friends Holidays and time in Sweden, Weddings and guests.

Another year older, a few more grey hairs and lines on my face but I have a good feeling about this year to come, I have amazing friends and have my health. After a chat just now I feel even more positive about an amazing person in my life, witch I througt I had lost.

I hope that this year is a year of smiles and happiness, Something I have lacked for a while!  

Ted... Not worth the hype!

Tonight I got a stack of DVD off a friend of mine... So with a whole load of new movies I sat down to watch some... 

First on the list was Ted,

I remember seeing this film coming out, from the makers of Family Guy aka Seth MacFarlane and I through this could be fun, And a year later I can tell you!

From the looks of all the trailers it looked funny and sharp. When I saw clips of it it looked even better BUT I just finished it and boy was it a let down, The acting was crap the animation sucked and the story was something outa a 7 year old's screen play. I love the idea of it but as a full movie it just drags on to an ending you can see a mile off... 

Here is the girlfriend - there going to spit only to get back together again.

Here is the bad guy - his going to do something bad

Here is the funny gay joke - not funny gay joke

Im sorry but this was just a live action film of a family guy episode and it just does not work.

Maybe this is not meant for me as I do like a movie that makes you think but even in my stoned days this was not funny... The pointless cameo with Flash Gordian is just boring and they keep bring him back.

Mila Kunis who is not a bad actor really sucks in this, shes played down and I am sorry but is far to hot to be with both Mark Wahlberg the person and the character in this movie.

Unless your a heavey pot user or have the mental age of a 12 year old then I would say give this one a miss, This is time you cant get back... just watch the trailer a few more times and let that be that.

New Ink Comte!

Tomorrow I am going to see my tattoo artist to go over the final design for my arm, From the things that we went over I am looking forward to seeing what she has planed and I can work out a few of the details.

I am hoping that its going to be most of my slevies and have a really cool look to it, with a hint of old school design, We will also find out just how much its going to cost and in how many sittings it is going to take.

After tomorrowI will have a better idea of what is going to come on the day after my birthday!

Filming TLC!

Last week I shot an event in north London called TLC (the London juggling convention). I have shot this event before but this time there was a difference, I was shooting Video!

Now I am not know for my video shooting and I have never dont that much with video but I really would love to get into this kinda work, I love motion and I use it in many of my still photography but shooting using an d-SLR is not very easy, They are not made for this kinda work and as such lack some features like a body that you can hold easily, A tripod is a must and the screens are not the best for checking if the image is sharp.

With the new frimwear that I just got it is made a little easyer but I did not have that at the time.

Anyways, Tonight I had a look at some of the footy and put together the 1st draft of the video. just over 6mins long at 720p and its already a 60gb file (God knows what it would have been at 1080p)

I feel like i got the idea of the event but the best act of the night I cant post as Feeding The Fish do not wish it to be on the web, I have done a very sneek peek of there act but each of the 5 clips are less then a second long... I will upload it when I feel it is good enough and that upload will take the better part of a day after the last vid I shot for spit took over 5hours!

A Bit of Good News

This week Gangnam style became the most watched video on youtube beating Justin Biebers "baby baby" 

This makes me so fucking happy and i really dont know why, the fact i love Gangnam style and was one of the 1st outa my friends to hear it and spread it between my friends.

Plus anything that slaps Justin Bieber is always going to make me smile!

Long Lonely Nights

Is this feeling going to pass? 

Sleeping alone is a funny thing, Not having another body to warm you in the bed and to not feel skin on skin. To only feel your own hands upon your body at night. Knowing that when I wake its going to be dark and cold and alone again. 

This is something I still need to get used to, I have my cat beside me and for that I'm thankful that I have that. We are pack animals and I do think that we all sleep far better when there are others around us. Because the nights don't not seem so lonely when you have someone to share it with.

Good night world... I will see you again in the morning.

Magic Lantern for Betty!!

The other week I herd that the guys over at Magic lantern got around the trouble with the duel prosessers of the canon 7d. Today I through I would have a little look and guess what!

YES!!!! It was there. An Alpha but its grea that  its even up!

So I just formatted my card and carried it over, Updated my frrmware and now I have it on the memory card  in my camera, It has some great feachers but as an alpha there will be more to come. The one think I really wanted was the pecking mode.

This gives you a small screen within the rear screen with a zoomed in bit for checking foucas, and this stays while recording so my foucas should always be fine.

2 problums are that its only saved on the RAM so if you turn off the camera you have to re-install the magic lantern and the other is that if i format my CF card, I lose it all together. 

If you wanna download the softwear then use this LINK and there are many videos on youtube to see how to install

Skinny Love The Song

Its funny how one song and make you think, even so when it has your own name in it...

The lyrics seem to talk to you and mean so much more than other songs... it has meanings to it should not in my own life but when you have something like...

"Come on skinny love, just last the year

Pour a little salt, we were never here"

How is that not meant to be talking to me when it is telling me about my love or about the past.

"I tell my love to wreck it all

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall"

After this time apart I am still thinking of her and I am thinking hard, reading blogs that are ment for me and reading in between the line is what has always got my into trouble, Asking the the questions that I know will not lead to the places I want to be.

Winter Is Coming

Pinch push 1st day of the month... Yep its now december and that means 2 things, one is the holiday I hate above all other and the other is my own birthday.

That right, Skinny turns 28 on the 10th of this month and wow thats making me feel old, trouble is in my mind I am already 30 from all the 30th bdays I have been to and done this year. So far im not really doing much for it, having a few friends over and nothing much as I am getting inked on the next day. That day being a Tuesday means I will be at spits and I wanna really have my party then. Around all my trippy hipper spinning friends and to make it even better the spinn@ xmas parety on the sat after (15th) so I can really have it then.

I have an open mind about my new year to come, there is going to be a lot of changes to years before my I plan to make my 28th year on the earth a dam good one!

Missing out but not missing out!

Tonight I have missed out on the burn but in a way that burn came to me, Some of my friends came back to mine for a chilled out session, With music by Paul Oakenfold and entertainment with the xbox its been a great night.

I do love these chilled nights with friends and gaming, Child of Eden seems to be going down well and my corn stry fry was really nice tonight. Now everything starting to wide down, the arts and crafts are out and the girls are drawing amazing images while the sex is getting his head around Edens amazing visions.

And little old me is happy to have my friends around. That really do fit so well in my life that its almost un-real