Lack of an inermonolog

There is a few things I'm know for but one that only a few understand is my lack of an inermonolog, when I'm tired or stressed. I lose my way and just say things that come into my head... 

Tonight I did something silly and maybe a little hurtful but my mind was on other things. The tension was a little high anyways and things were coming to a close but after watching a movie that brough a lot of throughs and feeling up it reminded of something. And with my mind things don't go in strate lines.

And that something lead to a crazy place in my head, a time of Disney love... The movie was the notebook and the comment I will not say but within a sec of it entering my head the comment had already left my lips. 

This can only mean one thing to me... Disney love is 4ife and it can never be replaced. 

That's it I'm done. I'm stoping all this silliness. I'm stoping the drugs and the drinking. I'm stoping the sleeping about and the messing with people. I need some time to myself and my feelings...

I will miss some things but not as much as I miss some others. 

The Long Nights

The life of skins is a crazy thing... It's busy and very hectic but every so often I get a night when I'm all alone and have a chance to think... This is such a night.

I came home with a plan, I needed to back up 2012s images and put them all into one catalog.  Reformat my iPhone and tidy the flat. Now all of them bar one is finished and I'm left waiting for the catalog to finish (47% right now). I'm starting to think about hitting the hay. 

Before I go to bed I look over the images from 2012 and see some of a little fluff that I love so much. Bring back images and feeling that are really hard to push aside, thinking of her is something I try to push to the back of my head most days and try to fill my time with something else(harder than you would think) 

Right now I'm typing this blog on my iPad and looking around the flat, much of it has changed since you were last here but there is still a feeling of you in the walls, this was your fav time of year, with the Christmas shows on the telly, the tunes in the radio and the lights filling the streets all across the city that we used to walk between every night before work.

You will always be a part of me and I miss you so much sometime it really does hurt... I hope you are happy in that city so far away, I hope that you have had an amazing Xmas and are enjoying yourself. I want to send you love and all the best wishes I can but at the same time tell you something in your ear. Something sweet and only between us.

I hope you hear it now and I hope it makes you smile to think of me as it does when I think of you.

Puss puss my bee, my person and I hope this year is gone with the blink of an eye so I may hear that voice again soon

Jag saknar dig min kärlek

4ife

I know it's a little late but as you know my days are a little messed up. 

Today or should I say yesterday was a very importent day for me. The 26th of November will always be marked in my head, a day that 8 years ago was the start of something Amazing in my life. Something that has since gone but will not be forgotten and a part of me hopes will some day be celebrated again. 

I miss you boo, but I hold hope it will not be to long till I see you again. 

Ohana. 4ife. <3

Dealing

I dont think im dealing well right now....

Yes this is one of them blogs... and its been a while so I must say im sorry but right now i dont think anyones reading this anyway so hay.

This year as been a hard one, braking up with my soul mate and learnin to live by myself again has been a very hard thing. Working to much is draning the life from me and im still trying to push through everything by myself is just gettin me down, i feel depressed most of the time without a real reason to feel this way.

My body clock is just fucked, working 5 nights a week till nearly 6 in the morning, having a breakfast meeting ones every 2 weeks is fucking it up even more so and trying to live and see people (one of the few things that really bring joy to my heart) is also a drang on my energy levels.

I need money to pay bills and save for travailing next year but working this hard is really killing me. At the same time I go a little crazy if i have to much time to think so im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

My Rock used to help me here, she gave me direction and help when i needed it, told me to calm down and sleeep but at the same time would wake me when i slept to much. but she has not gone and i have to do it all by myself. Its true that you dont know what you had till its gone but I could no longer be that burden to her. She needs to grow and live her own life. As much as i miss her i know she is better off without me in her life.

So what to do... I think i know what needs to be done but i dont know how to do it. Do i drop a day at work to give me some life and energy back but by doing that i will lose out on income. I never wanted to be rich but right now i cant efford to really do it.

Why cant life just be that little bit easier - just for a short while till im back on my feet again.

"LIFE CHILL THE FUCK OUT! and then show me who to do it" - Jipp

Posted on 2013/11/04

And like that... She's Gone

This week Fluff and I wanted to spend a week together, A week where we were back in a bubble, Loved up and together.

The week went amazing and we spent alot of time in each others arms and I loved every second of it, it felt like we were back to a few years ago and i saw love in her eyes and I felt it in mine. This lost week would be our last week and we wanted it to say how we onc felt for each other all those years ago.

But as i look back on it now, i find myself thinking... have I done the right thing, is this whats meant to be and why did we fall out of love in the 1st place. We had fights and alot of them but there was always love, where did that go away. What happened and why do we find ourselfs in this place now?

My hearts braking and there is nothing i can do to stop it.

History

Looking forward to next week when I have a little someone in my town.

I think there is something wrong with me...

Today I got an early/Late Bday pressy from one of my closest friends. It wa GTAV for the xbox and in my random driving and killing i popped into the strip club... While tossing dollars at the feet of the dancers I found myself thinking of a strange thing. It was not titillation or every horny (it is a computer game after all )

I found myself looking at the style of the different dancers, the tricks and skills of the mo-cap (Motion capture) of the pole dancers... I dont know if this was the fact that ive spent alot of the last 10years around a dancer or just my brain being broken but I am starting to think there really is something wrong with me :(

Brain dump

Well once again its been a while. Life does not always find time for blogging and when its been as crazy as my life gets it gets even harder...

Times have changed and people have to, my life has been one big fight and hill after another these past few months and I dont see things changing soon. I think i know what to do and how to fix it but its all about getting things sorted before hand and that is where everything comes to blows.

Life is hard and we pray for the strength to keep on fighting it. With Up's there will be downs and finding a middle grown is sometimes a very hard thing to find. Love, Friends, Family and Money all have there ware on me and spending time alone to save money just makes every little thing seem so much bigger.

I am not 100% sure why i have come back to my blog to put some of these things down on a screen but a little feed dump could only help I guess.

For now I leave you with love and I hope that your life is a little smoother than mine.

Well its been a while!

Hey guys, ive been so busy of late I have had nearly no spare time to blog and for those that have been following the same page for a while now - I'm sorry... 

So many shoots to go over including me helping a friend out on his own shoot on the coast on England with mermaids to shooting out in london and teaching new soon to be up and coming Tog... so much has happened so ill post some images with the links to the full set below them and see if I can get some blogs done to catch you up on them.

Alix Shoot

LINK

Cat Shoot

LINK

Vicky Shoot 

LINK

Suss Shoot 

LINK

Maya Makeup shoot

LINK

Jac's Shoot

LINK

Mermaid shoot (assisting)

LINK

And I also coverd some events like the Spinning@s 10th Birthday so this has a video and images.

LINK

Best you just raid my Facebook page or my site these days... I know that's is a lot to catch up on but it is alot of work hence why ive not been on my blog for a while

I will try be a little better in the weeks to come xx

SkinsElliottPhotography.com

I got a mesage from a great friend of mine the other day... he had the amazing gift for me... he had got me a domain for my sites...  FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!

Anyways for tonight I have been making a new site to go on this domain and I think i just finished it!

the address right now is http://skinselliott.wix.com/test2

BUT it will soon be re orderd and with been at.... you guest it - Skinselliottphotography.com!

I am so frecking happy right now i could scream!

Alix Latex shoot

Last week I had another shoot with my friend Alix... This time it was in the studio aka my flat and I got to use the new studio lights I picked up on Monday.

It took me a little while to edit the images but I ended up with what I through was some okay image, not my strongest set but still i did not think they were to bad...

Was I forward them to the clinte she was not a big fan of them, now looking back I do think they could have been better, I think as I was working with the new lights I was not thinking about the shots themselves as much as the lighting - Something all togs do is forget about one thing when there thinking about so many others.

I do have trouble with the falt as a studio as its not very big and limits where i can shoot from. Having the space give you room to move around and find some cool angles but in the flat if i wanna get full body shots I only have one place to go and even that is limited by the bed.

All in all I have some ideas for fixing these issues and hoping to get some of them sorted out soon.

If you wanna see the full set of images just use this LINK.

20130602

I'm "Fucked up"

Enough said!

GIF?

My 1st GIF... Lets see if this works

Ok for some reason Facebook does not let GIFs on but here is something we made the other day on mine and Alix's shoot. Hope you enjoy

What If?

I just spent the last 20mins in the shower...

With water running down my back and bad things going through my heads.

What if I disappoint her, what if I am not good, what if I let her down and make her hate me... The worst kind of cold feet! I dont like this feeling, It reminds me of our 1st date where I took a little something extra just in case I did not live up to my rave personality. On that night I did not need anything and the evening went would a hitch (and lead to some of the best years of my life)

One way or the other I will be seeing her face again in a matter of hours and I do long for it.

This is going to be an interesting day - head fuck or not!

Wish me luck

Goodbye My Old Friend (byebye DCs)

Today I have tossed out something I have had for over 6 years

I got these bad boys just before I left Sweden and are my last pair of skater shoes. They still look ok if a little worn but I loved them for there toughness and the look but were amazing when it was raining (and living in England it rains alot) but when it last snowed in London I felt a bump and by the time i got home i found out why... There was a hole in the soul and the snow had packed itself in there...

So I cant wear them in in the rain and they dont look good enough for anything other than skating (something I dont really do any more)

So goodbye my old friend, I will miss you! 

Microsoft might have lost me... Will Sony pick me up?

I am not a very happy gamer... 

I joined a mass amount of gamers yesterday to watch the live reveal of the new Xbox

After all that waiting - IM PISSED!!!

Once again MovieBob has said it better than I ever could

You might have followed my feed on tweeter/Facebook while the show was on and you could tell i was not happy. I really feel like this is it for me, I think the Xbox 360 will be the last new console that I ever buy.

I feel cheap and dirty after seeing that show and my love for MS as a gaming platform just went out the window, with everything from EA and COD i felt it could not go any lower - I was wrong.

Now one of the MAIN companies in gaming is basicly making a fucking DVR that lets me do thing I never do or they let me do things I can already do.

I found the whole show to be lame and almost insulting - With nothing on gaming and just telling me its going to be a centre for my living room is just silly. 

All we got to see was 

1. Tt can change the channel over (Thank MS I have a remote)
2. Can watch live telly (no one watchs live telly MS)
3. You can use Bing! on Internet explorer (Do I even need to say it?)

4. Its going to be pretty - So was the last generations of consoles 

5. It looks like a VCR! from the 80s
and last but not least - D.R (FUCKING) M demarding an always online connection! 

Today we found out about under games will have a charge on them killing used games and borrowing games as well, So far I am so pissed off at MS that I am half temped to just toss my xbox 360 outa the window in protest! 

At this rate MS has now lost me to Sony and with PS4 - If sony fuck this up then this might be the last new console I will ever buy :( a sad day in my life

Alix Chopstix Grey Skater Shoot (20130522)

Today I did my 2nd shoot with the amazing Alix Grey, Last weeks shot went so well and we ended up with some amazing images. Emily was nice enough to help me out again and I do have to say this was the fastest shoot I have ever done - but if you put a model in a latex outfit in a cold skater park its always going to be a quick shoot.

After a quick stop at Starbucks we headed to the skate park, We set up fast and said hello to the skaters that where there, Alix sliped out of her street stuff and we got to see the latex dress we had herd so much about.

But your not here to read about it - You wanna see some of the images!

Full set on my site on this LINK!

Wedding of Luca and Elaine Pinter (20130518)

This Saturday I shot a wedding... Kinda

I got a message from a friend in need, His 2nd tog and backed out of a wedding shoot and he was in trouble as you really need 2 photographers at a wedding. The main tog follows the bride and drivers like a nutter to the church to get the pics of her coming.

The 2nd shooters job is to follow the groom or in this case, get the the church and snap all the guests arriving as well as the groom looking worried about his big day. Trouble for me was that it was very different from alot of weddings I have been to, the groom was not worried at all! he was happy, chatting with his friends and family. 

It was still changeling  for me as like in most churches  the light is really bad, a mix of different types of light (different light gives off different colours) and a lack of REAL light on the people inside! So were talking high ISO with fast glass, and that combo is tricky to get perfect.

I know alot of this will go right over your head but with fast glass your DOF is so small you can easily lose focus, and high ISO give you noise in your image so its a pain to edit later.

I must be doing better as It has only taken me a few days to edit unlike the last wedding I shot. Then again I was only shooting the service and not the full day.

My images will go up on my site when the full set of images are sorted from my friend  and have been given to the client! 

Editing And ideas

The last to days I've been editing some of the images that I shot on Friday.

I have spent a lot of time on them and while I'm no where near finished I find myself wanting to use the images in other ways than how they were shot... Take this into account

Just something I was trying out but i got the idea from the shoot itself, to see my model in a forest somewhere, very LOTR kinda style!

Anyways, I wanted to post it some where and then I remembered... I have a blog haha

Mornings...

As most of my readers would know I dont do mornings, but I was woke up before 9am by my nephew talking to the cat (who was hiding under the bed at the time) if she knew how to turn the xbox on...

I dont under stand why anyone whats to be up this early in the day - I did get any early- ish night as well but still... This is way to early and i wanna go back to bed. I was going to take the little man out for a spin in the park but as its been raining last night it might be a little wet out in the park. 

Guess we will see how the day goes and hope it is another warm day!

The Wedding of Danny And Natalie Miller (20130413)

My brothers best friend asked me a few weeks ago to shoot his wedding, Idf you read my last few blogs you will know that I was stressing about the day so much I was getting ill from it, the planing and getting myself ready really took it out of me but like a true rock i kept fighting and made it through the other side.

The day itsself went ok, was a little lose on time but I shoot alot and worked out what it was that i wanted to do. I wanted to give them that images... You know the one! The image that sits on the fireplace the one that everyone see first and it is the golden pic from there day!

This is the image I felt did it for them... but you never know what people will like!

or maybe even this one...

The rest of the day went well apart from me missing the "First Kiss", I was distracted my a family member running around the church make trouble hehe.

Once we got to the pub everyone could relax and enjoy the party but in my eyes I was still working and I kept up the stander for myself even if i though I was doing a really bad job. All in all I was on my feet from 7am till gone 23.00 at night and when i got in I just fell into bed and crashed out. 

For the full sent of images you can see them on my site on the LINK!

But here is a little sample of the other images from the day

  

Still Alive!

Wow its been a while!

Sorry I have not posted in a while but Skinny has been a very busy boy... I have done my 1st real wedding shoot, I have had a pin up shoot and planing for about 3 or 4 others in the last few weeks.

So just to let you know I am still alive and kicking and I will be letting you know all about it ovber the next few post's 

SPACE PHOTOGRAPHY

This might shock you (but something tells me it will not) But I do watch a lot of photography videos on YouTube... but I found one tonight that I think is the coolest one so far

Might have something to do with the fact that this combains one of my 1st loves with my biggest as an adult 

SPACE + PHOTOGRAPHY = HAPPY SKINNY

Dam this stuff is so amazing, I would love to shoot something from the I.S.S or just on the edge of space.

To This Day

Yester I came across a video on facebook, A video about bullying and growing up different from the norm - As I had such an up bringing I was really touched and it almost give a tear to my eyes.

I wanna share this to everyone, the bullied how think its hard, to the kid that has to live every day as an up hill battle and to the bully to make them see just what there words can really do to someone!

Maybe this will open some minds, maybe it will support a hurt mind... Just know that love comes from inside and that you can always pick yourself up. It does end and you will be stronger for it!

Be Strong - Be Better - Be You!

Angels with a Voice

A long time ago a friend told me a story. 

She told me that she belived that angels would talk to people to give you a message, no know to them but something they would say or do would pass on a message from up high to make you chose to do or dont do something, And with an open ear and a open heart you will hear the angels.

This weekend I feel that an angel was passing me a message, And I think I know who was giving the message... Thanks L, Think I needed this push ... 

What a difference a day makes

This week has been so fucking stress full that I almost broke down from all the issues and pressers in my life, familys and friends added to my pile and work was getting to me as well but in the mess that became  my mind something happened, a crack in my walls let something since through, something that I have not had in a while and the sun started to shine on my face like it did back in another time of my life.

Life tosses you curve balls and sometimes the light guilds you to think like you have not done before... or in a different way to how you think you should. Something happened to me on friday night that made me look deep in y soul and find something that has been there the whole time but i was blinded by what was happing in my life to see it. A small little fluff ball of feelings I had burred away for a long time. but onceopened there was no stopping it, Fall for that feeling, seeing that smile and hearing that voice. Things clicked into place and my mind heart and soul all lined up to tell me one thing and one thing only. 

Now im smiling at the fact I can see the world again with the happy eyes that I have had and lost, This time of finding me is done, this time of blowing out is done.... I have found what I was looking for and it was here the whole time.

Thank you Y for everything... you really are the yin to my yang

Wedding Stressing

Since my last blog I have been stressing about a wedding shoot I have coming up.

I had sorted borrowing both a long lens and a 2nd body for the weekend, While the night was going and i was planing the last few bits the friend Iwas borrowing the lens from worked out that she is infact leaving to go to the US on the wedding day itself. 

Fuck!

That left me with only a 16-70mm range for the day, As any shooter could tell you 70mm even on a crop body is no where near close enough for shooting a wedding. Yes I could step closer but I dont wanna shoot in the faces of the people getting marred.

I asked on facebook for a friend who has something I could borrow, thankfully another friend has some glass that will give me some more zoom range. It is only an F4 but its better to bump up my ISO then have to stop that close or miss the shoot complety. Its good to have friends sometimes.

All of tonight I have been reading up or watching videos from kelby training or youtube to get some more ideas for this shoot. Trouble with all of this is that its a little bit last minit, giving the real chance I would have at least a month to plan this, meeting with the bride and groom at least once to get the planning down

I am going to pop to the church tomorrow and check out the place but I need to know what times things are going to happen, what groups are going to be shooting and everything else, You wanna plan these things so on the day everyone knows what happening and what time its going to be...

A wedding is slip into differnt parts... The early part of the day should be canded shots of the bride getting ready... on this shoot im told that someone else is getting this set, a real pain as this is the brides day and the main shooter (aka ME) should be following her all day long. I get to cover the guys witch is still good and I am friends of the groom so I must do the best with what I have.

The next stage is like canded shots again, but with a little event photography added in, the wedding itself is shot very much back, zooming in and bounicing around the church to get the shots of the service.

After that its like a portat shoot, getting the groups together, a massive group shot then dropping a few people and then some more and more till its only the bride and groom along... This is somewhere I get a little confused... the bride and groom drive off into the sunset - is this when we do just the new cupple? I dont know this is something that i need to find out within the next week.

This is where doing a pre shoot would really help, doing a pre shoot helps to find both the right angles of the bride and groom but also gives them some idea of what the images on the day will look like.

After this section its really just event photography and this is where I know I shine, I have coverd 100s of events in my time and I know i can get some really cool images.

I know I can do all of the different bits of a wedding shoot and I have one booked up for next year to get ready for, this will be good training but its no where near as planed. I am hoping to get all of this together in the next week or so.

Sorry for the rant but i needed to get some of this off my chest as I have enough on my plant now that i have to deal with

A Crying Rock

Life is really starting to get me down, Everything gets on top of you and you fight to keep it all together.

I have always been a rock for my friends and family, staying strong for everyone else's sake but when your feeling weak and need a hand... who is there for the rock? People offer hands here and there but they have there own shit they need to sort out or to have help with. I always wanna help them before I help myself. They mean more to me then I do to myself.  I dont want to be that burden on my friends even if I am there rock... I dont wanna have to lean on them the same way... Yes its one sided but I just cant work both ways on this.

Everyone has issues, even a rock needs time to cry sometimes and this rock is feeling the presser from everything and everyone. Issues of the heart and the head, issues of family and friends, issues of life and work.

Call this what you want but I need to sort this myself as I can only rely on one thing in this world and thats me! everyone leaves me at some point, my life has showen this to be true and I am the only one that is going to be there every second of every day.

Skinny will follow me to the grave and back to the life stream. I am thankful for that - he keeps me company.

Can you stop someone before its to late?

I feel lost today....

A close member of my family is fucking up his life and I am trying to stop it. His tossing away his own family for the sake of a drink and is not seeing where its going to lead.

Everyone had herd the same story, something happens in there life, they start drinking, theydrink till they lose everything and once they have hit rock bottom and cant go down any more - Then they start to sort out there life... trouble is sometimes that does not work, They lose there job, there home and there family and they never get it back again. 

I have tried to nip this in the butt and make sure it does not go down that far, to stop it before it happens but I feel like im losing the battle and there is nothing I  can do to stop it! 

I'e spoke with the guys from AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and they have told me the same as I knew already... That the 1st step is admitting you have a problum, cos it has to come from with-in, no one can tell you, well everyone can tell you but only you can tell yourself that there is an issue.

Where to go from here I dont know but It all starts tomorrow.

Only a little bit?

Bite size brain dump

Some days I sit at my computer and expect to hear a voice from the other side of the room, asking if i would like a tea, or what movie would we like to watch, I wake in the night and miss a hand on my waste. Too look up and see a pretty set of brown eyes looking into mine.

A new life that misses the old one, The fire and feelings... The needs and the wants The love and the return of it. As someone once said... To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

Sometimes I really miss my old life but it makes me think what to do with the new one laid before me.

Lindsey Stirling - My Next Gig?

I have posted a blog about Lindsey Stirling before as I kinda fall in love with this girl a few months ago, She is an amazing artist and dam she can play the hell outa that violin!!

She is playing at The O2 Shepherds Bush Empire on the 28th of May and I so badly wanna go. (Thanks Mårk for letting me know) 

You can find more on her on her FaceBook page or twitter... 

Close Up 4 Piece Filter Kit

Last week I got some new bits, one was a new set of Nunchaku and the other was a

Close Up 4 Piece Filter Kit.

I got them in the post on Saturday and tonight I have been having a little play. Nothing much but just checking the kit out.

Now I have a few pics to show you, The 1st is an image taken of my Stan, with my 50mm 1.4 shot at f4 to give you an idea of the closest I can get with this lens!

The next set of images are taken with each filer placed on the end of the lens to give you an idea of how close you can get with this kit!

Now This came with the case, fits nice and flat into a camera bag and for only £12.00 its far cheaper then getting a macro lens (Yes a true macro will always be better and one day I will own one)

Here is the Amazon LINK I got this from, my 50mm 1.4 is a 58 filter so you will have to get one for your lens in the right size, It should say on the lens but you can always look on line for it.