4ife

I know it's a little late but as you know my days are a little messed up. 

Today or should I say yesterday was a very importent day for me. The 26th of November will always be marked in my head, a day that 8 years ago was the start of something Amazing in my life. Something that has since gone but will not be forgotten and a part of me hopes will some day be celebrated again. 

I miss you boo, but I hold hope it will not be to long till I see you again. 

Ohana. 4ife. <3

Dealing

I dont think im dealing well right now....

Yes this is one of them blogs... and its been a while so I must say im sorry but right now i dont think anyones reading this anyway so hay.

This year as been a hard one, braking up with my soul mate and learnin to live by myself again has been a very hard thing. Working to much is draning the life from me and im still trying to push through everything by myself is just gettin me down, i feel depressed most of the time without a real reason to feel this way.

My body clock is just fucked, working 5 nights a week till nearly 6 in the morning, having a breakfast meeting ones every 2 weeks is fucking it up even more so and trying to live and see people (one of the few things that really bring joy to my heart) is also a drang on my energy levels.

I need money to pay bills and save for travailing next year but working this hard is really killing me. At the same time I go a little crazy if i have to much time to think so im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

My Rock used to help me here, she gave me direction and help when i needed it, told me to calm down and sleeep but at the same time would wake me when i slept to much. but she has not gone and i have to do it all by myself. Its true that you dont know what you had till its gone but I could no longer be that burden to her. She needs to grow and live her own life. As much as i miss her i know she is better off without me in her life.

So what to do... I think i know what needs to be done but i dont know how to do it. Do i drop a day at work to give me some life and energy back but by doing that i will lose out on income. I never wanted to be rich but right now i cant efford to really do it.

Why cant life just be that little bit easier - just for a short while till im back on my feet again.

"LIFE CHILL THE FUCK OUT! and then show me who to do it" - Jipp

Posted on 2013/11/04

And like that... She's Gone

This week Fluff and I wanted to spend a week together, A week where we were back in a bubble, Loved up and together.

The week went amazing and we spent alot of time in each others arms and I loved every second of it, it felt like we were back to a few years ago and i saw love in her eyes and I felt it in mine. This lost week would be our last week and we wanted it to say how we onc felt for each other all those years ago.

But as i look back on it now, i find myself thinking... have I done the right thing, is this whats meant to be and why did we fall out of love in the 1st place. We had fights and alot of them but there was always love, where did that go away. What happened and why do we find ourselfs in this place now?

My hearts braking and there is nothing i can do to stop it.