Tonight I shot in a strip club, sorry gentlemans club.
And it made me feel so down, I'm not sure why, the gig was from someone who I met at a networking event a while back, she had some performancers doing some Ariel as well as some fire/pole dancing. But as I was shooting for the club I also got some other images while I was there.
Me being me I asked each girl before I took any images and while I'm not shocked most didn't want any images I did feel a little funny as a performer myself it's a little funny not wanting images. As I waited for images to show themselfs I would catch the eyes of the girls, they would smile and walk towards me, then they would remember my face or see the camera and then there face would drop and they would walk by.
I don't know why this should effict me but it's something I'm not used to, it's like they saw me as something amazing till they worked out I was not a punter. This was not the case with some of the girls... Some talked cod shit like most randoms do in normal clubs and were mostly really nice people but I could not shake the idea of how they saw me. Me being a man, I know it sounds silly but I'm not used to women seeing me as such.
I saw how they work with the guys and how the guys would take them, talk with them and touch them in a way I through was not allowed in these kinds of club, nothing really bad just I had always through that clubs like this always had a hands off policy.
When I left the club I popped into a fast food place and was around the normally 2am drunks and party goers and I just felt a little more shit than normal, thinking that I was going home to an empty house and got me thinking what am I doing with my life... What do I have to show?
I work hard every day and push myself to do new and exciting things but this (and with my other job) has really got me feeling a like shit. I fear I will die a loney man, alone with only my cats to miss me - then again they will pass a long time before I do so that's even more depressing.
Tomorrow I shoot another club, then I'm shooting a couple the following day that are about to be married, I guess this is a weekend of love, lust and missing pieces.
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