It's hard to tell every detail and events that lead up to this but it has been going on for the better part of 10years. My family has had cracks in it since I can remember, from bad housed to care home we have been through it all. Have the family spit apart, the things that happened in care still only a few people know the full details. My brother dieing put a massive devide into the mix as he was one of the good guys that fought for things and spoke his mind (and I mean in the good way and not the asshole way the others think are a good thing)
Everyone had a hard time with this, of course they would, someone like my oldest brother dieing at the age of 25 would shock anyone, but while I dove into a world of raves and drugs, others jumped into the bottle, the weed smoking and other outlets. Was I just stronger or was I just lucky to have a group of friends who helped me, guilded me and made sure I didn't go to far down the rabbit hole.
I would still say I'm not over the passing of Lewis but unlike some I've delt with it... I've prosestd it and decided to move on and make something of myself, the drive that he had and the efficks he had I took as my own. It still pushes me today to do something that he would look down and say I'm proud of how far you have come.
I bring this up as it give you an idea of how I work, hard long hours with a goal so I can make myself a better person, I've traveled to parts of the world I never through I would see, I've live in a forren land, I'm a profeshal in 2 fields, and have a passion in my life that has not only taken me places but will continue to as well.
But in all this I never forgot my family, I spoke with them most weeks and saw them when ever I could, my family was my core, the thing I knew would always be there in hard times and I always respected them, never took them for granted and never took the piss, I would tell them my views on things and give advice. Never telling them what to do but tried to give an explanation of what was going on or wrong when I was asked to.
My farther told me of late that he left his kids to make there owe decisions in life, make there owe mistakes and learn from them. While this aprosh has work on me, it has not worked we'll on others and that is what has lead me to the place I am right now.
People have expectations of what they want, some forse there views on others, some what you to live there lives. And this is were I am the most different from my family I think. I don't want to live my farther a life, or my mothers or my brothers.... I want to live my life.
I'm sorry but having children does not make you a better person, it does not make you an adult and it most certenlay does not fix a broken relationship.
I have herd it a million times that, you will not understand till you have kids... To that I say who the fuck do you think you are? Having the biolouchal ability to have a child does not make you some kind of superhuman with magic throughs or abilities. There is a thing called emperfi and simplify. It's not hard to understand, you can work it out if you have a plant, you don't need a kid to make you understand.
But what having children does seem to do it cone off any way of thinking that does not include your kids.
Case in point... I don't make an effort to see my nephews!?
If I didn't make an effort to see my nephews, I would not see them at all. It's all a one sided road on this subject, I guess "you will not understand till you have kids" is a meterfore meaning I'm to lasy to come down and see you, or call you to arrange a meeting.
Never once has this happened, never once has any effort to bring the boys to me, making sure that they do get to see there uncle, but no... That can't work at all cos you might what, make your children happy, help out an over worked brother. Take some presser off you per ants that you use as babysitters all the fucking time.
No cos that would take some of that effort that you blame me for not giving.
But when someone is giving effort, the only effort he can you you tell him that his dead to them and not to come around again, taking the little time I did see them and making sure that becomes nothing at all. That's just dumb, hurtful to both myself and the kids and wrong.
Lastly there is one last thing... And this is to you michelle. I've never onces named anyone in my blog but for this I'm going to brake my rules.
There is never ever a time to physically attack someone... I don't care how angery or hurt you are! You talk like an adult and work it out you do not go around hitting people like some lost child who can't get it's own way. I know you were raised like shit and had this kind of action done to you but you should do better, you should teach your kids not to see voilcance as a means of getting you point across.
I don't think you will ever understand this or you would have done already, your 29 years of age and you still think it's ok to attack people. I had a lot of love for you once, as my friend, as my sister not just a mother. Now you are to me what you told me to be.... "Dead to you"
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